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Reflecting on your shadow

It's taken me a long time to realise that I wasn't learning anything from experimenting with different traditions and spiritual practices all the time. Sure it was fun to learn different methods but because I wasn't practicing them for very long I wasn't deepening my understanding and so I wasn't really learning anything beyond the surface level.

Years ago I started various journals - such as a magickal journal and two workbooks on the sabbats and esbats - but I was never that disciplined at using them. I did for a few days at a time then months would go by with nothing.

And as I begin to look at my shadows as well as my light, I'm realising that daily journal writing looking deep within myself at my flaws and weaknesses is something that I am truly missing.

This weekend I spent an amazing few hours looking at what I had written previously in various old journals and jotters and rediscovering some of the jewels of my irregular practice. It's made me realise that it's about doing something well daily, even if it means only 10 minutes per day. There are a lot of flaws that I want to break down and rebuild into something that aids me instead of hindering me.

Shadow work is something I've always heard about but never really looked into until recently. I always assumed it meant working with dark spirits and it conjured up images of ceremonial magicians invoking daemons into triangular shaped spaces. But now I know it's not that. In fact, it could be scarier. It's about really looking at your own self, your soul, spirit and heart and challenging your behaviour. It's about admitting when you're wrong or you've done something badly. But it's not about blaming yourself. Instead it's about thinking how you can change yourself.

So as I look back at old journals and even realised that I might actually finish my current journal (something that rarely happens before I start again) I know that I can only really deepen my spirituality with a lot of regular journal writing and brutal honesty with myself.